Crisp Penmanship

you mistook the word taken for just playing hard to get…and now you’re frustrated because I won’t take a moment of my time to encourage your behavior…I can’t entertain your foolishness…

I can only say…

thank you for the compliment but my heart belongs to a woman worthy of a king…a women deserving of dedication and loyalty and a woman whom I plan to give my last name so…no…we cannont be friends…and we not chill…I will not mistakenly take your curiosity and interest as inspiration to deem your intentions genuine…and I hope that you can understand that I’m mature enough to know that jeapordizing her love for your lust isn’t in my best interest…

I hope…I really truly hope…that you find a man willingly to love you…the way that I love her 

I’m still recovering from the night I spent guiding your innocence out my front door…leading your curiosity in the opposite direction…we tip toed around nervous thoughts and felt obligated to leave the lights off…we didn’t want to tease the outside world with silhouettes painted against my window frame…I caught glimpses of you staring at me melodically move around my room…I knew we needed space for what we were about to do…I placed a condom in my left hand…pulled my briefs down and signaled for you to come to me…the feel of your tongue pressing against the sides of my dick as you moved your head back and forth…forced me to close my eyes…you were so tactical and smooth with your movements…I’m getting hard against just thinking about it…

you signaled you were ready by tongue kissing the tip…positioning yourself for missionary while simultaneously taking off your panties…I saw your lace panties hit the floor and immediately broke the seal of the golden wrapper…you looked me directly in the eyes as your fingers provoked your clit…I knew what I had to do…I knew what I wanted to do…

the scenes that followed left us both tired…sweat drenched…and our body temperatures peaking…it was as if we had fevers…sex fevers from giving each other favors…I can’t even look at my room the same anymore…we marked it with lust so strong that no cleaning solution will ever remove it

I imagined you sat with your legs crossed in a chair contemplating how to string words along into phrases…in attempt influence me enough to ignore the phase that you were experiencing…

but

I’ve twisted the logic from your fallacies before you wrote them…I’m always a few steps ahead…my mind is moving at a quicker pace and I’ve found sanity in crazier women so you’re in reality…you’re mild to me…tasting you hasn’t burned my tongue…

you tried to down play the truth and I simply move you down my list of priorities…

it easier when the demands that you put on someone matches those that they’ve laid before you…when the expectations are mutual and when the progression towards the same future is consensual…its sensual at times how we’ve honestly bound our senses together…we see and feel the same thing…scents hit us the same…and we hear and touch the world around us with the same aggression…we know what life for us…is supposed to be…we’ve clutched the intangible in our palms and crushed feelings for anyone else into a fine powder that got blown away when we blew each others minds…

you remember the first time we held hand and the present became static and it shocked us both…I remember when you and I became we for 30 to 45 minute intervals…I remember thinking that I fit into you like a jigsaw puzzle and you muttered something sweet…I tried to pay attention but you said it smiling…and your smile distracts me from the finer things in life…

you’re the finest thing my life has ever encountered…

He forgot to look at the situation from her perspective…he admitted it…he said he didn’t see how he blew her esteem into vapors and turned her confidence into a con…comments and actions destroyed the traction she had on life and over time she lost her grip on reality…nothing seemed real coming from him but it was the gospel she lived by…his every word controlled her innocence and corrupted her perspective on the aspects of life she should have been enjoying…it was as if she was annoyed by her own thoughts so she used his for comfort…all he ever offered her was his body…and she gave him everything…even her spirit has his scent on it…his influence became her essence…she was devoid of herself…she told her friends everything was fine and she was happy…but he wasn’t…his selfish attitude added nothing but himself into a life style that should have involved her voice…at least…she never had a word…so he never knew she loved him…he only knew that she changed…from assertive to passive…he didn’t know better…so he accepted it…until the denial crushed them both…

she wanted me to play boyfriend number behind a dude who’s never been number one to anybody…not even her…

I guess she thought she was worthy of a king even though she was living like a peasant…I couldn’t foresee myself lowering my standards…until you pulled down skinny jeans and my jaw dropped…her lips felt like silk on my neck…her ass like lust in between my fingers…I wanted to royally dispose of her bad intentions but I was always bad at dealing with pressure…dealing with the pressure of body grabbing me mid stroke…before I could gather my thoughts she had gathered her things and was heading out the door…I sat the edge of my bed trying to recover from it all…and she was satisfied…heading back to the guy who thought he was number one…but she said I’m the best she ever had…so what does that make me…

a king…a fucking king…

I can’t respect the regret you said you had for relating to me…you found a relationship between my words and your expectations…and then we had relations…your panties lay limp against the carpet of my room…

I told you before you felt kisses on your neck that I wasn’t in the mood for a relation-ship…I didn’t want to sail anywhere with anyone for any reason but I’d swim deep inside of you searching for treasure…G marks the spot

and you said that I was a con man…and I said no I’m a pro-fessional…I professed facts about my truth and you heard fairy tales…you heard hope and thought that would lead to facebook updates and wedding rings…you put two and two together without getting one commitment from me…

but its my fault right…

I guess when I lie its the truth…

until its the truth…according to you..

I broke the terms of agreements of several contracts with multiple clients because of you…I broke ties and burned bridges because the thought of you smiling because of me…proved to me profitable then the moans of beautiful women…I put you on a pedestal because you’re worth the effort…you’re like the climax of a beautiful romance novel…the last bite of my favorite dessert…you’re like an over exaggeration of the feeling I get when I find the remote…yes its that serious…I’m caught up in your appeal…you have this rediculous way of getting what you want from me by just saying my name…and I’ve told myself multiple times…that next time its not going to work…and I’m going to put my foot down…and I’m just gonna say no…and then your lungs compress air and your accent plays melodies over my name that put me in a trance…and the next thing you know…I’m holding your purse at Forever 21 because you saw a dress you wanted to try on…and that’s not fair…but you’re worth it…

I swear you are..every fiber of chocolate that creates my complexion and every simple thought that controls the complex way that I see the world pays homage to you…because you’re worth it…

I’ll only compare you to you…so its diamond vs diamond…daily

it made sense to let time get a little time to breathe…for us to stop putting so much emphasis on rushing…and to give up on giving into living up to standards of people we aren’t…

because when comparing the reflections we see in the mirror to the world around us…none of its familiar…our appearance when it exists there…is evidence of how divinely created we are…so lets continue to portray the intelligence of God in our involvements…lets stray away from sitting each side by side with every passer by…and lets  build our attachment on the idea that our love came from chemistry and good timing…

I’m sure you agree…because it only makes sense to think this way…right?

I thought if I wrote words in unison about the tandem we became then there would be an isolated event in the heavens that would establish your first name with my last right next to a solar eclipse and that would some how make you the star I’ve been wishing to for year and months at a time for a moment alone…so when the night cleared and there were no metaphors to decipher…there was nothing wrapped inside our heads like similes formed in a cipher from a high rapper…we were like high school kids raptured by the savior of our infatuation and I was basically hallucinating when I said I love you…and we were…the years that described us didn’t inscribe us with enough experience to know better…and I was supposedly mature beyond my years…an old bold soul that took hold of the situation and told my momma that I had found the one…you were a little more then zero and not enough to be two…but according to my math…that made you a 10…and that was enough motivation…I mean I thought it was enough inspiration…it should have been enough to captivate and enslave me to your existence…I was supposed to be attached to your hip like the loops on your favorite blue jeans…you were supposed to be my better half…but after all the time it took me to really calculate the numbers….you’re not even a fraction of what I initially thought